(WWEU) Understanding the Enemy Pt. 2

The R)evere

Understanding the Enemy

Part 2: The Velut Hym’r

By Corporal Travis McLeod

Schadenfreude. It’s a word so tough to spell that the good folks of 2^nd Platoon of the 11^th Recon had to find me a dictionary so I could put it in this article (Very Special Thanks to PFC Andy Rumiel for the find). It means satisfaction at other’s misfortune and I feel it’s safe to say that’s a favorite pastime of the enlisted. So let’s all take a moment to feel some Schadenfreude for those poor bastards at the bottom of the Imperial military ladder: The Velut Hym’r.

HYM’R: The Hym’r is the lowest of the imperial military low. Seriously. You might have thought it was the Kusi (see Part 3), but no. At least a Kusi can be trusted with the most menial tasks within the Imperial military. All a Hym'r is good for is standing in front of incoming bullets. Occasionally they'll even slap a bit of armor over him in case he actually IS dumb enough to stand in front of incoming bullets. You're encouraged to shoot these assholes if you like, but you may not want to bother: it's only a matter of time before they trip over their own feet and break their necks.

VES HYM’R: Get ready for a micro lesson in Universais. ‘Ves’ means ‘Senior, Veteran, or Accomplished’, ‘Hym’r’ means defender. Got it? Good. VH is a squad leader, typically baby sitting 2-9 men depending on the type of squad (recon, combat, cavalry, etc.). In addition to leading them in battle, however, He's also in charge of his squad's discipline; licking their sleeves free of snot stains, lacing their boots up nice, wiping the drool from their dumb, hanging mouths, and praying none of them crap themselves when the officers come to inspect.

STENZ HYM’R: You know how in the old military you had to have a certain amount of years of service and pass a test before you could become a Staff Sergeant or something? Well K-Jack has that too…only retarded. The SH is the most senior Ves Hym’r in the platoon (called an ‘Aspect’). That’s it. Seriously. He could be one hour senior to another guy with far more combat experience and still be a higher rank. The thing is: he doesn’t have that much authority over the other VH’s, K-Jack only wants "proper" leaders (see: Part 1) in command. So the SH is simply in charge of the training and morale of his Aspect; i.e.: making sure they know which end of the rifle the hurty bits come out of and kissing their owies when they scrape their knees. If he's unqualified: well that's too bad isn't it, the only way to make room for the more qualified people to take over is for them to get killed. Hmm...I bet they've got to sleep with one eye open.

VELL-STENZ HYM’R: That’s a lot of words just to say that he’s the most senior VH in the Element. The three blades on his cap are now red instead of purple (representing the blood of his enemies drenching his insignia or something) but it STILL doesn’t mean that much when it comes down to it. In fact, he has less to do with combat than the people below him. He’s a librarian actually (technically a regimental historian) he advocates for any of the underlings who piss their pants enough times to be put in front of a court martial. I hear he’s also supposed to be the confidant and ‘worldly anchor’ of his Abushi, but given the quality of Imperial command the Vell-Stenz Hym'r are either not being listened to or they know just as little about warfighting as the officers above them.

ETIRI HYM’R: If you’re an SH or a VSH or –in rare cases- even a VH who manages to die in a manner that’s not completely embarrassing -shocking, I know, but apparently it DOES happen- it may comfort you to know that Imperial High Command will honor your bravery and sacrifice with three oh-so-shiny silver blades on your headstone. And, yes, they ARE super-duper shiny! There are rumors that there are a few living EH’s –probably because someone reported them dead and fucked up the paperwork- but don’t let the idea of some badass Imperial war hero worry you. While they make all sorts of movie about these clowns, K-Jack wants to keep those guys as far away from the front as possible... it would be bad for PR if they got killed, after all. 

If it's true what they say about officers only being as good as the men under them, it's not too terribly shocking as to why the Empire can't seem to keep a lid on us in the resistance. You might have heard that a Hym'r trains for an entire year in multiple climates before he is even deployed, but don't let that worry you. At the end of the day, there are only a couple million of them and billions of us. I don't care what training you've been through, I don't like them odds. So imagine how stupid you have to be to even try. So, keep your heads down, keep your guns clean, and keep watching these dumbasses trip on their own shoelaces. Peace! R)

 

 

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